Earlier today, I saw this really cute girl waiting at the bus stop. When I turned back I could still see her waiting at the bus stop but still didn’t do anything cuz I got the bitch butterflies and kept making up excuses not to go in. I always regret not approaching girls afterwards but I’m always too afraid to do it when I’m in the moment. Why I’m I like this?
Why Do You Still Get Anxiety?
Fear is something you’ll always meet. Business people get nervous when making important calls, skydivers and base jumpers get nervous when making jumps, musicians get nervous before going on stage—Eric Clapton for example.
Fear. Friend Or Foe?
People think fear will eventually subside but it doesn’t. It just turns up in new situations like an old friend.
So the ones who become good at something are the ones who learn to handle the fear—to keep going despite the anxiety.
They make fear an ally. It comes with them on their journey. Fear tells them that they’re on the right path.
Why Should You Like Fear?
The things you’re afraid of are the things you need most—that’s God’s paradox.
Everything you ever wanted is behind your fears. The journey is difficult because with each step you prove to yourself that you are willing to go through hell to get what you want.
Your fight against fear is your commitment to the journey. What I mean is that every time you fight a fear you invest more emotions into your dream.
And your journey will force you to take action through your fear—no matter crazy the task is. So the only way to walk your personal path is by living through your fear.
Don’t leave any frightening territory unexplored.
What If You Stay The Same?
If you stay the same, then you’ll never grow. You’ll be mediocre. Look at any one who you think is great, they all tell stories of how they faced their own fear. Can you name someone who didn’t face a fear?
No. Those people are the ones who get forgotten. Walk through any cemetery and it will remind you of how many people have lived without really living.
You have a life. So you might as well use it to find out what is behind your fear.
What is life if you are no longer a prisoner of your fear?
How Can Do You Get Past This?
The first approach is always the hardest. After that it gets easier. If you know you’re going to be rejected on the first set, just go up and get it out of the way.
Once you’ve done the first approach it gets a little easier. It’s like removing the first stone from a blocked river—it’s difficult to start but once it’s gone, the water starts to flow. Then you can get on with the task and remove all the stones.
The issue is that the stones (the anxiety) come back after you’ve not approached for a while. There’s nothing you can do about that, just remember to always remove the first stone.
Again, make your first approach. It’s a bonus if it goes well, the second and third are what counts and the fourth is good terrain. That’s when you start to hit vibe state and gain positive flow.
But never expect positive flow on the first approach. It’s like beginning to write an essay. At first, you don’t want to do it, but once you write the first few sentences, you find you just keep making more sentences. You might even start to get consumed in the task—that’s flow state.
It’s unlike common thought, but flow state comes after you start.
Why Aren’t You In Flow State All The Time?
Your mind goes through a process called rumination.
Basically, your mind is consumed with so many things, it’s a huge mess.
Your mind concentrates on all your problems of the day—and it’s got much to deal with—so before you start approaching women (or doing any task) your mind is running through all the day’s events.
Therefore, it’s the action which changes the mind. The action comes first and the mind changes after. That’s always the way things happen. So concentrate on the action and then your mind will agree with you, “Ah. I see. This is what we’re doing now,” and that’s when you find flow state.
It’s focus that’s important. Focus is more important than mind. Tell yourself to focus on the task, not your troublesome mind, and when that happens, you’ll accelerate.
How Do You Make The First Approach?
Simply put, you count down from 3 to 1 and then just take the plunge. I recommend that you get used to being a man who always takes the plunge.
To end with the most important point—when you make it a habit to leap, you become a man that always takes the leap. Said differently, if you identify with being a risk taker, you’ll find it much easier to make anxiety your friend.
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