Dear agony aunt: What to do when you’re in a monogamous relationship, are happy with it but feel you might be happier fucking other girls? A. Drop girl and pimp it up B. Try to push for open relationship C. Ignore desire for other girls and be loyalz or D. Other? – Mr. X. Anonymous
The Delusion Of Dating
Firstly, if you’re in a monogamous relationship and you’re looking at other chicks – that’s common. In fact, you’ll be doing this all through your life. You’re never going to stop looking at other chicks. Never.
When people say, “Soon you’ll find the ‘one’ and you won’t look at anyone else,” they are deluded. It’s bullshit. I have no idea why this phrase stuck, other than most people are incompetent and feel comfort in believing they’ll be saved by “the one.”
Instead, as Dan Pena says, you should not listen to conventional wisdom.
In a nutshell, if you’re a man; you’ll find women attractive – and due to biology, your eyes will wander and search your environment, and your mind will imagine your conquests.
Two Basic Relationship Styles
There are two basic types of monogamous relationship, the first is the beta relationship. That’s when you’re keeping the girl around from a needy perspective, aka not through choice, but through a mental attitude of, “If she leaves me, I’m over.”
You are with her by fear of being alone.
By way of contrast, there is the alpha relationship. That’s when you’re keeping the girl from an appreciation perspective. In other words, you respect, admire and look at her with a great fondness.
Naturally, if you’re in this position, you will have chances with other women. Your dilemma is whether or not you choose to act on those choices. And that comes down to how much you like your girl vs the beauty and quality of the other woman. There might be a point – where the beauty of the new woman causes you to act, despite how much you like your girlfriend.
You are with her by fondness.
Three Alternative Relationship Styles (And My Review)
I’ve tried closed relationships and I always felt resentful that I wasn’t able to see other women. Even though I was fond of my girlfriend, I still looked around and felt too young to be in a fixed relationship.
Therefore, I tried open relationships and I was blissfully happy. Until, I noticed the girls eventually leave you for someone who offers monogamy. It seems girls are happy to stay with you for fun, but when that fades away, they look for permanence (and if they can’t get it, they’ll look elsewhere).
So then, I tried no relationship. And this is great, for a while, because you get complete sexual freedom. However, you have no benefits of a relationship, like the feeling of giving care and affection.
To summarize, it seems that if you don’t eventually go monogamous, you won’t keep the chick. That’s because a woman will eventually want a level of security…
What Can You Do Next?
I recommend that (if you’re cold enough) and you want to keep your girl around, you have her and a few side chicks (meaning that, yes, you cheat) because it satisfies your need for an affectionate relationship, and you still get to satisfy your desires by exploring other women. However, you’ve got to be icy cold not to feel the guilt.
Alternatively, you can remain single and honest with everyone. In other words, you have sexual freedom but never experience the joy of a relationship. (At least you’re honest, right?)
Perhaps there’s another option, and it’s something I’m currently working on, while making mistakes and learning lessons. I suppose a more advanced post is on the horizon…
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